Miserable, utterly, utterly miserable. I really feel as if I am losing it. Sleeping little, constant bug of anxiety in stomach over her. Literally almost shaking at the moment from physical and mental weakness. I have fucking _tried_, but it just doesn't work. I seriously feel like i am predestined never to exit the circle of the self. The fact is that i've gone from thinking that she liked me to now thinking that she didn't. The time i've spend, as I feared I would, chasing a shadow. It was perhaps just the misinterpreted friendliness of a friendly girl. And through my so weak body I am contemplating one final push, a final facebook message tonight. But that means, probably, another sleepless night. And my cards, which are already more or less out, being further out. You see I think i opened myself towards her, and she rejected me, subtillisima. It is very conceivable that i'm overimagining. What should I do? One final push? I need to abandon all hope, to make the moves, like a sceptic, while having no motivating interest. Help me.
You see, all this could be my imagination. She could like me and something could happen. But my thoughts are now that her thoughts envers moi aren't positive. My fear of rejection, I think, is pushing me away. But there have been negative tokenlets: an unwillingness to keep in a dialogue, a reticence boardering on avoidance yesterday at dinner. Fuck it, I think the evidence is still in my favour, and tho it could fuck me up, I think i'm going to make that last push. It's the braver thing to do. Sei brav, armes Ding.