Hundredth post. And it's quite a happy one: it is even conceivable, tho this isn't so happy, that I am in the position of having two bitchez after me. The aforementioned non-MC one and I today had dinner together, and I am led to believe that her being at dinner was directly on account of my being the same. So the plan now is to tarry a bit, see what the splash is, then textify her. Wrt to mc, the problem is she is very reserved in this respect, she gives just nothing away, tho our meeting in class on monday was very effortless indeed, which was nice. I am righting because I have not been sleeping these nights, because my thoughts have been contorted with the thoughts I am expressing. It is perhaps early - it is, in fact, the second day of term - but things are looking well up for this year.

Hallo Hallo.

Well, back to uni, back to blubbery, blubbery einsam seelenleben, wo kein wort von mc kommt, und das internetfrau schreibt mir noch nicht. doch... God doesn't close a door but he opens a window, in the form of yet another siren, who keeps despair far hence. What happened was I met, on the stairs, a young lady with quite a name on my first name back. We talked for two hours over tea about music and such like, swapped numbers. It was nice. She is a dreamy, intellectual type, you know, smiley and slightly kooky. I've been trying, successfully, let it be known, not to text her, to play it cool so that any misinterpretation as to the nature of her interest be not made evident by over-friendliness. However, text her I will, in the next couple of days, perhaps. In other news, my roommate is awesome, cqfc ( ce que fut connu), and my place is far from not bad, even if I am so saying myself. Let us see how things pan out, and especially the meeting with she called mc.

Well, it's the last Saturday night before college again begins. It's been a fine summer; some positives rolled out, some pleasing intellection, some mild despair. It's my vow not to be alone the rest of the year. How exactly this is to come about, i'm not sure. MC is the main target. So I suppose it will behove me to ask her out or something. There is other internetful broad. She's older and more likely to intercourse me, which is good, but she's not MC. She's criminally disinterested in things. Wrt religiosity, which was one of the goals of the summer, I think the position that I've reached is that there may indeed, rationally speaking, be a God, but it seems hard to see how he could interfere in human affairs, since he doesn't appear to. Perhaps the mere fact that belief in God helps is not to be interpreted as just a evolution wrought kink in our brains, but an indication that we are on to something: that we are wired for belief because that's how he wants it. Second conclusion: Jesus may well be he. Let us grant that a fair bit of the gospels may not record accurately what he said ( that this is the case is fairly well established in biblical commentaries). Nevertheless, we have that he is, that he is at the very least a pointer to God ( allowing as a limiting case of pointinghood that a pointer can point to itself)... I mean wrt to the above. I believe, and am ameliorated. Whence the amelioration? God or me? Is there a difference? But then, what about placebo effect - amelioration without even belief.

But I'm still not being moral, not sufficiently. It is easy to fall into a mire, to overlook good doables. God would not, should not be happy with how I live. This I need to make true for myself. But it's a process: I may, or may not, get there eventually.

Hello hello. Well, life continueth. I return to college prolly this day 3 weeks hence. Beginning to get a bit nervy therebecause. Let me count the day. I gymed, then ate rice, then read about the cosmos, then some acts, then some Dennett. It is a fine, fine day. Very hot : perhaps it's even too late to say that it's the last hurray of the summer. Old MC been back in contact, as, to be honest, I suspected she would be. I do think I genuinely like her. Also FL seems to be a potentiality, despite the fact that she don't know philosophy for shit and perhaps hides dark secrets. But, in fact, despite the anonymity of this blog, that's a fairly shitty thing to say about someone. W, after all, WJD? There's no way that's not a valid question. Is this the case? I.e. is Jesus' moral teaching just straight correct? Anyhoo, I have a sort of cerebral if not biotic xianity going, and i'm fuelling that sucka with more cerebrum, which is prolly the last thing it needs. But I think certainly it's a necessary condition for me that it be intellectually coherent. Hawking apparently says we don't need God; 'll have ( why does no one use such a fly abbreviation?) to check out his book, see if this is indeed the case. Time for food.