Ah, du armiges Armheit! Life bears itself heavy. There appears a divide in my family between the socially successful and the not, and I'm in the not category. One must just hope. In a month I'll be back there where it is possible to cease to be alone. I have made the requisite efforts on my self this summer, physically, hopefully mentally. The idea of providence is interesting. It appears to me, though this is of course a very open to interpretation thing, that God does indeed provide. There seems to come when I need it something to tide me over. I don't want to expatiate on the theory behind this because since I am still howling alone, but the case in point is that young MC appears to have fallen off the radar in quite an extreme and potentially awkward come the recommencement of term fashion, which I guess in fact hurts, as the fact that I am indeed likeable is in sore need of confirmation, life long wise, and this rather infirms it, sadly. However, the window has been opened, tho potentially quickly shut again on account of drear, in the form of a fraulein ( hereafter FL?), sameaged and seemingly lonely and unhiding of it. So perhaps if things should develop, I could go home to some hope. But we seem to have run out of conversation quite early. Well, we'll see. The most important thing is to remember certain verities: there's a good chance that a God exists, the happiness of my family is something that I should rejoice over ( think of the alternative: if they were unhappy, would I be happier? Thankfully the answer to that is 'no'), I need to help and buffet and try to live well for the less happy. Just please, cosmo, let it not be empty for me any more!

Well, the summer progresses with the gait of a sullen cow, mooing and lowing ponderously, through heavy stomachs on hot days traverse ca et la by shining thoughts. Some negative MC action, it must be said, tho I am somewhat confident like Abraham was confident that things can resolve themselves. I remember near the start of the year I suggested that this could have been my year: if something should happen on my return, it still could be tho 3/4s of it has been the same old solitary me, which I hate. Hope, as I said, deferred etcs. And I wouldn't like to wait as long as Abraham. So I am doing one of my characteristic August and august projections: what will things be like for me come, say, Christmas? Still howling lonely?