My 90th post, and the last for a while probably. It is now completed. Incredibly painful. I don't really want to rake over things, but I will. Many deeply sleepless nights: a real rapprochement this, last, week. Last night we had tea. I thought we had got somewhere. I planned, hoped, that this evening we would do something. At dinner she was distant; something had happened. The question that will torment me: was it that I didn't express something at tea, or was it that she saw something at tea that she didn't like? I can't go on. But I will.