I think we are at the stage when finally all hope is extinguished for this year; and I feel fine. It is sad, that it is very conceivable, if not certain, that we mutually like one another, and that I could, at close of play, have been pulled out of the circle of the self. But one must attempt to distance oneself from one's pathemata, and concentrate specifically at this time on one's mathemata, or whatever the greek for things-to-be-learnt would be, and more generally on to kalon in one's life. Indeed, I think it's almost without self-deception that I now accept my fate, and that i'm not perpretrating that old fallacious trick of willing myself not to will because the non-willed happens. It's been, tho painful, often a more pleasant year than before. I have tried, and tho materially failed, I came, I think, pretty close. I've learnt things - unfortunately not how to interact with strangers, which is after all important. But I have made at least a good friend in her. The plan for the summer is to sort things out and continue to read ta biblia. But it's confusing. There are many things in there that just seem unpleasant. The idea of the etymological paraclete well comforts, but all the klauthmos kai brugmos ton odonton doesn't sit well. Also, the fact that I seem to be practicing, if that is not too strong a word for what I am doing, a very recreational christianity doesn't seem quite right. Of course, many people do, but many people are idiots. It seems to do it, it is something one must do entirely w heart + mouth + deed + life: it is not just some analgesic, or shouldn't be. But then: it is not for all to go nuts, really, is it, for in that case priests et al. would be the only religious people. And indeed, it seems some people would trim down the message to two words: Have faith, and that this is sufficient and necessary to be a christian. The problem is one just doesn't know: things conflict. What if having faith were only necessary: i assume no-one will deny this. Ultimately perhaps we need help from experience. To the extent that faith is necessary, abide in faith for a bit and see if one is enlightened. Say one's prayers; act decent towards others; be thankful in good and comforted in bad times. See where it heads. Yes. Allora, I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank God for my present peace and situation.