Ah life, thou piece of shit. Or rather, Ah me, thou piece of shit. Just unhappy, again. Nothing will happen with MC; let's just face it, she is with another. My other girl is ok, but nothing more. I am just shit at living, and would gladly not do so. But will continue, just mediocre, mediocre, mediocre. Can't wait for this year to be over, then hopefully I can fuck off elsewhere, have a new start, at which point i'll actually be able to make friends. A whole year spent unhappy pursuing mc, whom i like so much. And then nothing, there be's someone else. I get rejected again. atopos ge esti. I am super smart, super good looking, and nothing. No confidence. Oh to be dead! Obviously this is silly. Jesu soll meine Freude bleiben. Hat er aber immer ( ever?) meine Freude gewesen? Lebt er? Should he do, then all is fine, all is dandy. But should he don't, then what? Live miserable for ever? My fond hopes that this had been my year depart. Nothing, no hope, no place nowhere, never into eternity. PCDN. Only the fond fantasies; the defenestration thoughts in the dark scurl of my ever empty bed. The walking alone, the re-ly taken up smoking and fantasising habits, in the dark of a peopled city, with the sussurous 'fuck you' of the anxious belly. The desperate empty hours.
Fuck it; was ist zu getan werden? One must look onwards and upwards.