Intro

well. I'm in my mid-20s, male, and the best 4 syllable adjective to describe me would be aspergian. Perhaps better and briefer would be autistic, paying attention to the etymology - selfic. Tho these are just labels, they are in fact in my case extraordinarily fitting labels - if one were to look at a definition of asperger's, one could get a pretty good idea of who I am, and how I appear. Who I am: obsessive, deeply interested in many things, mentally energetic. How I appear: Like the introverted mathematician in the joke, I stare at my own feet. I make little eye contact. Even weird details that I thought were eccentricities peculiar to me and me alone, such as a pretty rigid face, turn out to be features findable in Aspergianites.
The foregoing makes me sound like I define myself in terms of this syndrome, with which incidently i haven't even been formally diagnosed. This isn't the case: it just gives a good impression of who I am fairly snappily.
I am one of the shy people. This is disturbing to say the least, as friendship or girlfriendship has never really figured in my life up to now. I think of social interaction in terms of a switch, which needs to be pressed prior to engagement. So i'll be accosted by someone when I'm walking round the small picturesque campus where I study, and i'll need to make the transition from my own thoughts to suitable conversation. So in the little room of my mind I search for the switch, but struggle to find it. Meanwhile, my unswitched self is attempting some sort of appropriate sociality. But its really inept and something ridiculous will come out of my mouth, like someone will ask me how I am and instead of saying fine, i'll say, Oooh, touch of diarrhea this morning. Not appropriate. Meanwhile I'm searching for the switch, the franticness causes me literally to sweat. The conversation soon dies a miserable death, and i'm shakenly walking away with the switch is found, turned, and I think of some great stuff to say to the person. I am l'esprit de l'escalier, were it to be personified in a rather doughy, sweaty corpse.
I had another thing to write about today, but i think i've done enough. I hope I have the resolve not to give up this malarkey, it seems like a good idea in general.