Stupid early sabbath

Urrgh, very poor night's sleep, stormy without and sick within. Unslept I always feel disconnected from the world, in a way I struggle to describe, because it's very rare that one actually feels connected to the world, in the sense of sensitive to surroundings rather than to one's inner voice. But tiredness\sickness\boredom, three similar things for me leave one even more disconnected. Perhaps disconnected from one's self, from the voice. Yeah, that may be it. The big tell-tale sign of the three above is lack of interest in things. My whole life revolves around my interests, so it's not a great feeling.

On a different matter, the past few days have seen the very welcome return of my being able to write creatively. When I was young I used to write a lot of poetry, which I enjoyed doing even if it was shit, which it in general was. I think I felt more alive in those days; i had a few friends and there were more possibilities. Now, the lack of being able to drink means that the possible isn't so possible, because shy and sober don't mix too well.
Nevertheless, I had some sort of minor modal epiphany the other day. I'm not sure of the actual propositional content of this epiphany, if any there were, but I don't know, something reawakened in me, and i have been steadily writing prose. This is both enjoyable and therapeutic; it lets thoughts get filtered out in a more interesting way, and I have been thought clogged of late.
Next time on this very blog: religion and metaphorical mental words.

10 minutes ago

A slow, dull sunday. How much of life is wasted with this just slow heavy feeling of a too big dinner, and mental dullness? I guess boredom is the word; the things that hold appeal don't hold appeal. The sun shines against the bedroom wall; a muffled public concert is happening nearby, wind soughs thru trees. The various things I would do at this point are a) Read a novel. But the novel I'm struggling thru at the mo, Piercing by Murakami, isn't very good. b) Read some philosophy or logic. But i'm too tired. c) Play Final Fantasy IV. But it feels too nice at day to stare at a small screen. d) Eat or drink. I've just eaten and drank. And so comes last e) Write in blog. But i have nothing interesting to write about, and thus to do so would be pointless in the extreme. It would however waste some time. That's what I'll do then.